landslide / closed to wonderwalls

[arbiter]

[The room appears to have been furnished by a minimalist, with only the bare minimum of required furniture. A familiar figure sits on the couch evidently engrossed in reading a newspaper..]

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[wonderwalls]

[ This is more tangible than his dreams and daydreams, so much more real. Teru takes in the physical sensations of the hug hungrily (warmth, smell, the sound of breathing), feeling both more at ease and more miserable than in a long time. Altogether feeling more alive.

It takes him moment to respond. ]

It's harder to keep a regular meal schedule around here...

[arbiter]

[The reply comes as Light rests his chin on Teru's shoulder and the faint beginnings of a smile form on his lips and are gone the next moment.]

How are you going to find me if you aren't taking care of yourself, huh..

[wonderwalls]

[ Taking care of himself is easier said than done when access to a kitchen isn't always guaranteed and it's become nearly impossible to continue with his normal training regimen. Teru doesn't voice this protest. ]

I'll take every measure available to find you... I promise I'll find you.

[ His grip finally loosens a little and the embrace turns into more of that and less of a death grip. ]

[arbiter]

[A faint sigh as his fingers lightly brush Teru's back.]

That wasn't what I was concerned about, Teru.

[wonderwalls]

[ A short pause ensues as Teru savors the sound of his name in Light's voice. ]

Keeping myself healthy belongs to these measures. ... you needn't be concerned about me.

[ He's not doing well at all, but it's Light who should be worried over, definitely. ]

[arbiter]

....True.

[Another pause.]

I suppose between us it was always me who was involved in something risky.

[wonderwalls]

Always for important causes.

[ He pauses for a moment and then loosens his grip on Light's body just a little. ]

Can we sit down? I want to rest by your side for a while...

[arbiter]

Mm.

[He releases Teru a moment later and takes a seat on the couch.]

Can I ask you something?

[wonderwalls]

[ Teru sits down next to him and immediately falls to the side to lean against Light's shoulder. His eyes drop shut. ]

Go ahead..

[arbiter]

[As Teru leans against him, Light reaches for his hand.]

...That day. [His voice wavers momentarily and he swallows to clear it.] You don't secretly hold it against me that I couldn't keep that promise, do you.

[wonderwalls]

[ That day.... Teru has to dryly swallow as well. Even though he's seen that day millions of times in his mind, over and over and over, the memory still gets to him. He grips Light's hand tightly. ]

.... I could never. I'm only sorry that I ... that I arrived so late.

[arbiter]

[To that, there's only extended silence and tightly held hands. Too many thoughts settle in his mind and in the end, perhaps it's the knowledge that none of it matters anymore that stings most. All the what ifs and the if only's and missing a chance to take down the white rat with him by a single damn letter are as meaningless as the dust on the table.]

...I love you.

[A non-sequitur of enormous proportions]

I wish I could have said that more. [In the new world we were making. Not here.]

[wonderwalls]

[ The lack of coherence in this conversation doesn't bother Teru in the slightest. He'd definitely rather hear those three words over and over instead of reflecting on the most awful afternoon in his life. ]

I know. I've always known that.

[ Even when Light hadn't said it out loud, he never had reason not to be certain. ]

I love you, too.

[arbiter]

[A gentle brush of his thumb over the back of Teru's hand.]

It feels like part of me is missing without you by my side.

[wonderwalls]

[ That stings to hear and Teru tenses up a little. ]

... when I find the real you, that feeling will be past.

[ For this Light, too, he assumes, as he is nothing but a representation of the reality. ]

[arbiter]

[Responding to the tension.]

I didn't mean to offend.

[wonderwalls]

No, I know, I...

[ He has to take a break and restart the phrase as a question. ]

When I find the real you, then you will also be at rest, right?

[arbiter]

Yes.

[A pause.]

But I only exist for as long as you're in this room and I reman the person you wish to see most.

[wonderwalls]

You'll still be the person I want to see the most.

... or maybe you'll disappear entirely when I don't need to long anymore.

[ The thought is kind of horrifying when he is sitting right next to this not-Light, so Mikami leans against him a little more. ]

[arbiter]

[He brushes Teru's hand.]

That'd make you happy, wouldn't it?

[wonderwalls]

[ Another one of the pauses that are becoming common in this conversation. ]

... yes. I want to see you. I want to never leave your side again... no matter what price.

[arbiter]

What more could you give up?

[Leaving his hand over Teru's, he raises an eyebrow.]

[wonderwalls]

After our whole world..?

[ He could not say this as easily to the real Light, he knows. ]

There isn't much more other than my physical health.

[arbiter]

You're already starting to give that one up, too.

[Gripping the hand underneath his, he speaks more softly.]

I'm repeating myself now, I know.

[wonderwalls]

I don't mind.

[ Either of these things. ]