landslide / closed to wonderwalls

[arbiter]

[The room appears to have been furnished by a minimalist, with only the bare minimum of required furniture. A familiar figure sits on the couch evidently engrossed in reading a newspaper..]

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[wonderwalls]

[ He clearly didn't intend to fully enter the room, but he lets the door fall shut as he steps forward with a bewildered expression - silent yet, just staring wide-eyed. ]

[arbiter]

[The door opens and Light turns his face only slightly towards the door, making sure it's the unscarred side that's visible for the moment. To say that he hadn't expected a visitor would be entirely false given the nature of this room, but perhaps he ought to have guessed sooner who it'd be based on the design of his environment.]

Ah...[He sets the newspaper down on the table.] So it was you after all, huh...

[wonderwalls]

[ He's seen more than one Light since arriving at the mansion and familiarity of voice means nothing anymore, but something about this one's tone makes him tremble. ]

Y-yes... which one of me did you want to see?

[ He suddenly can't seem to keep walking, anxious to fully examine the other's face and yet not daring to. He's been let down too many times. ]

[arbiter]

You.

[There's no point in questioning if this Teru is the right one after all. He stands, facing the other man full.]

Just you.

[wonderwalls]

[ Various emotions are displayed on Teru's face in short succession: shock, disbelief, joy and finally something indefinable as he unravels.

He reaches out for Light uncertainly as he stumbles forward again. ]

... I thought I'd never find you... I already thought I'd never find you.... I'm so sorry.

[arbiter]

[Hearing those words has a visible effect on Light as he smiles wan;y and glances down at Teru's outstretched hand. It shouldn't hurt to touch him, but it does.]

...You haven't.

[His fingers tighten around Teru's hand.]

[wonderwalls]

[ This is all a little too much to process and Teru just stares up blankly at Light as most of his mind focuses on the connection of their hands. It only slowly gets through to him what Light even means. ]

... who are you then?

[ Another false alarm wouldn't hold his hand like this, would he? Even despite the revelation, Teru is hesitant to let go. ]

[arbiter]

The person you most want to see.

[He doesn't glance upwards to look at Teru's eyes. He doesn't want to see what Teru looks like when he's crushed by disappointment - not again, not ever.]

Effectively, I'm me as put together from your memories..

[A beat, and then he simply draws Teru into an embrace.]

I've missed you though.

[wonderwalls]

[ There is no reply anymore, Teru processes the news in silence and tries his hardest to not feel choked by it. Despite his best efforts, he is sure Light (not Light) can feel his shoulders tremble as he presses against him desperately anyway.

If this is truly the Light of his memories, just a wishful figment of himself, then, even if nothing else, this is at least a person he can trust for this moment.

Slowly he extends his arms around Light's waist properly, hands moving up until he grabs onto the back of Light's shirt for dear life. ]

[arbiter]

[Minutes pass by wordlessly as Light holds onto Teru, trembling shoulders and all, as tightly as he dares. His hands wind around Teru's back and shoulders, as though committing new details to memory. Being close ought to be everything he wanted and yet...]

... please eat more.

[wonderwalls]

[ This is more tangible than his dreams and daydreams, so much more real. Teru takes in the physical sensations of the hug hungrily (warmth, smell, the sound of breathing), feeling both more at ease and more miserable than in a long time. Altogether feeling more alive.

It takes him moment to respond. ]

It's harder to keep a regular meal schedule around here...

[arbiter]

[The reply comes as Light rests his chin on Teru's shoulder and the faint beginnings of a smile form on his lips and are gone the next moment.]

How are you going to find me if you aren't taking care of yourself, huh..

[wonderwalls]

[ Taking care of himself is easier said than done when access to a kitchen isn't always guaranteed and it's become nearly impossible to continue with his normal training regimen. Teru doesn't voice this protest. ]

I'll take every measure available to find you... I promise I'll find you.

[ His grip finally loosens a little and the embrace turns into more of that and less of a death grip. ]

[arbiter]

[A faint sigh as his fingers lightly brush Teru's back.]

That wasn't what I was concerned about, Teru.

[wonderwalls]

[ A short pause ensues as Teru savors the sound of his name in Light's voice. ]

Keeping myself healthy belongs to these measures. ... you needn't be concerned about me.

[ He's not doing well at all, but it's Light who should be worried over, definitely. ]

[arbiter]

....True.

[Another pause.]

I suppose between us it was always me who was involved in something risky.

[wonderwalls]

Always for important causes.

[ He pauses for a moment and then loosens his grip on Light's body just a little. ]

Can we sit down? I want to rest by your side for a while...

[arbiter]

Mm.

[He releases Teru a moment later and takes a seat on the couch.]

Can I ask you something?

[wonderwalls]

[ Teru sits down next to him and immediately falls to the side to lean against Light's shoulder. His eyes drop shut. ]

Go ahead..

[arbiter]

[As Teru leans against him, Light reaches for his hand.]

...That day. [His voice wavers momentarily and he swallows to clear it.] You don't secretly hold it against me that I couldn't keep that promise, do you.

[wonderwalls]

[ That day.... Teru has to dryly swallow as well. Even though he's seen that day millions of times in his mind, over and over and over, the memory still gets to him. He grips Light's hand tightly. ]

.... I could never. I'm only sorry that I ... that I arrived so late.

[arbiter]

[To that, there's only extended silence and tightly held hands. Too many thoughts settle in his mind and in the end, perhaps it's the knowledge that none of it matters anymore that stings most. All the what ifs and the if only's and missing a chance to take down the white rat with him by a single damn letter are as meaningless as the dust on the table.]

...I love you.

[A non-sequitur of enormous proportions]

I wish I could have said that more. [In the new world we were making. Not here.]

[wonderwalls]

[ The lack of coherence in this conversation doesn't bother Teru in the slightest. He'd definitely rather hear those three words over and over instead of reflecting on the most awful afternoon in his life. ]

I know. I've always known that.

[ Even when Light hadn't said it out loud, he never had reason not to be certain. ]

I love you, too.

[arbiter]

[A gentle brush of his thumb over the back of Teru's hand.]

It feels like part of me is missing without you by my side.

[wonderwalls]

[ That stings to hear and Teru tenses up a little. ]

... when I find the real you, that feeling will be past.

[ For this Light, too, he assumes, as he is nothing but a representation of the reality. ]